You smell like stripper and shame
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
