im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
