She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
