k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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