he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
