remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
