we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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