So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
