I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
