I want to stick my p in your. b.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
