haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want you more than these girls want KFC
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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