I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
