I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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