dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My ATM looks so different sober.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
