we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
