rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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