My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
