I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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