In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
