I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
