Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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