its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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