hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
