hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize