I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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