I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
