I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you would pick up someone in the library
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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