I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have feelings that need drinking.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
