Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
