Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize