Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
