My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
