I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
