You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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