"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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