i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
