she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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