That's intense
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
