she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
only if we run a train.
done.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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