just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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