Just fell off a train. Bad.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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