it was like his penis was on wheels.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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