this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
