how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize