he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
