i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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