i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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