There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
