You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
