What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
