you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
