We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
