I heard we made out
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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