there's paper in my vomit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
