I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
