Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
