and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize