I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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