He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
