i just had sex bonerless
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
