She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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