how can u be prego again
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
