Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
