fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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