possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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