she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
