Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
