i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
