I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
