All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
