i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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